I’ve been a fan of sketch comedy all of my life, from You Can’t Do That on Television as a kid to Mr. Show in my early 20s to UCB, Ben Stiller Show, Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, The State, Tim & Eric, and everything in between.  The one show that I watched all of my life and probably has had the biggest influence on my sense of humour has been Saturday Night Live.

Say what you will about “this cast sucks” or “this cast was the best”, everyone’s got opinions.  Reality is, every show has funny sketches and every show has bad sketches.  We just choose to remember the funny ones, so newer episodes will always seem inferior.

A lot of great writers and performers have made their way thru the ranks of the Not Ready For Primetime Players.  It’s always been a dream of mine to be a writer on the show.  Some sketches are superbly written, some are completely absurd, and some just have performers that take it upon themselves to turn it into comedy gold.

As a kid, I watched the original 1970s episodes on Nick at Nite, then watched and and discussed the early 1990s episodes with friends.  We knew all the words to the Wayne’s World song, the Toonces song, and of course Matt Foley sketches. “Say Dad, is that Bill Shakespeare over there?”

Below is a list of my favorite all-time SNL performers and some sketches/characters that really stand out.

Chris Farley – Matt Foley, Superfans, Chippendales, Schmitt’s Gay, Bennett Brower – any sketch Farley was in, had the potential to not only be hilarious but also make his fellow cast members crack up.  Pure comedy genius.  He just had so much energy and joy that you couldn’t possibly not laugh.  Underrated sketch, Farley and Sandler as the old couple reading the Zagat’s catalog.  ”Hey mon, try this new Jamaican restaurant!”

Will Ferrell – The best.  Obviously, I thought he was hilarious on the show.  Again one of those performers who can make you laugh without even saying or really doing anything.  But later on I learned it was his personal mission to try and get others, notably Fallon, to start laughing in sketches.  One time he groped him underwater during a “My Luvvah” sketch.   His two “Best of” DVDs are great.  How about the devil teaching Garth Brooks some “tasty guitar licks”.  And of course “I drive a Dodge Stratus!  You do not talk to me that way!  I am in charge of 8 people at work!”

Mike Myers – As a pre-teen, Wayne’s World was the greatest thing in the world.  When the screen would show “Cable 10 Aurora”, I knew it really was going to be Party Time Excellent.  In an age of Bill & Ted and Beavis & Butthead, Wayne and Garth were way ahead of it’s time.  Dieter from Shprockets made us touch his monkey and happy as a little guurl.  Simon drew pics in his bathtub, and of course there is the helmeted hyper-hypo that could pull an entire jungle jim after eating one candy bar!

Fred Armisen – He’s probably not on a lot of others “best of” list, but I think Fred is just amazing.  I don’t know exactly what it is.  His impressions of both real people, and just fictional characters always crack me up.  Whether he’s telling the audience at a female self-help show “I don’t know what to tell ya… its not my fault you can’t do an orgasm”, to the highly intelligent political commentary from Nicholas Fehn “In a world where you have, I mean, you just can’t.  I don’t know how you can expect someone to, from generation to generation we’ve always, it’s just, society thinks, what you do is, when a….”  Great stuff. Also go watch him in Portlandia.

Other Honorable Mentions:

Dana Carvey – Hanz & Franz, Church Lady, Garth, George Bush…. Carvey was the king of characters.  The dude is one of those guys so versatile, he could do anything.

Phil Hartman – Sad story indeed, but come on, Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, Bill Clinton, and countless other characters.

Amy Poehler – I loved when she would play that spazzy teenage girl, “HEY RICK HEY RICK!” that was just awesome

Jimmy Fallon – When he was on, his laughing in sketches used to piss me off.  Then later on I would read interviews and find out how much of a fan of the show he was that he couldn’t control himself.  He’s a really funny dude and his sketches on his own late nite show (props to AD Miles) are great.

Norm MacDonald – A lot of people don’t like Norm.  On the news, his delivery was spot on.  That comedic timing is really rare.  He did a lot of jokes on OJ and other off-color topics.  The dude’s a genius.

Jason Sudeikis – I’m so glad to see him getting Hollywood roles now.  He’s really talented and can play that type of loudmouth, dad/cop/boss role perfectly.  How about when he yells at “Macintosh” the inmate played by Keenan in those “Scared Straight” style sketches.  Hilarious.

Chris Rock was pretty funny on SNL but he is hilarious as a stand-up.

Sarah Silverman is quite possibly the funniest woman on the planet, but she only was on for one year and didn’t really do much.

Overall, it’s a show that has shaped my sense of humour more than anything else.

I’ve lent out many DVDs over the years.  Apparently there are a couple people that like my taste in comedic things.  I don’t see it, but I’m going to throw this list out there with some of my recommendations.

Go find these on Netflix, Redbox, stolen online, etc.  Whutupshun.

A – Arrested Development – more smart jokes crammed into 22min than most comedies have all season.  Tobias, Analrapist.

B – Borat / Bruno – Now that they are old enough where you don’t hear the quotes all the time, go back an watch them.  Over the top funny.

C – Curb Your Enthusiasm – If you like Seinfeld and nothing offends you, you need to check out any random episode of Larry David’s hilariousness (Honorable Mention: Community)

D – Dog Bites Man – Short lived on Comedy Central. Matt Walsh, AD Miles, Zach Galifinakis as a fake news team in a real town.  Beekin and Eggs anyone?

E – Eastbound & Down – Kenny Fuckin Powers!  Tired of those feel good stories of athletes on drugs cleaning themselves up?  Me too.

F – Found Footage Festival – Look at the teeth on those comb!  Old home movies, cable access, and all around weird videos from the 80s/90s

G – Grandma’s Boy – The best Adam Sandler movie because Adam Sander isn’t in it.  My name is JP, I have a robot vagina.

H – Hangover – I know it was popular, but it’s really fucking funny.  Mike Tyson gets me every time.

I – It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Most recent season Mac got fat.  Funny as ever.  Dayman, fighter of the Nighman!

J – Joe Schmo Show – Most don’t know about this, but Spike TV had a hilarious fake reality TV show.  Kristin Wiig was on it before SNL too!

K – Kids in the Hall – Pretty influential in the realm of ‘alternative comedy’.  And the song “The Daves I know” should be the NAF theme song!

L – Louie / Lucky Louie – Louis CK is a phenomenal stand up, and both of his shows were really well done.

M – Mr. Show – David Cross and Bob Odenkirk on the best sketch comedy show of all time.  It’s insane this guy’s taint!

N – Napoleon Dynamite – Kip, Uncle Rico, Pedro.  Just tell them you’ll make all of their wildest dreams come true.  GOSH.

O – Office – Sure without Steve Carell it’s not the same show, but the character of Dwight is genius.  And yes I know about the British one.  Sorry, I just identify with the US one more.

P – Party Down (Honorable Mention: Portlandia) I’m still waiting for Soup R Crackers to open up.  Are we having fun yet?!

Q – Quintana, as in Jesus Quintana, as in Big Lebowski.  They peed on your fucking rug dude.

R – Role Models – Paul Rudd and The State guys doing LARPing, come on!  Love take me down to the streets…

S – Superbad – Jonah Hill is just hilarious in every scene in this movie.  And McLovin even gets laid… everyone wins!

T – (cheating) The Cable Guy - By far the best Jim Carrey movie, and very underrated comedy.  Make George Lucas cream in his pants…pants…pants

U – UHF - Also known as the Weird Al movie.  Watching this in elementary school, it was hilarious.  Kramer before Kramer too!

V – View Askew Movies – Clerks, Mallrats, Jay and Bob Strike Back, Clerks Cartoon, Chasing Amy, Dogma.  Noich.

W – Windy City Heat – Perry knocked over the table!

X – X is the Roman Numeral for Ten.  Rent the movie, The Ten.  Paul Rudd and The State guys.  Watch it as a goof!

Y - Young Ones – You have won first prize in a beauty contest.  Smash Rik over the head with the bank.

Z - Zombieland – The cameo scene alone is worth it.

I’ve always been a Star Wars geek.  I used to be really into collecting action figures.  Now, not so much. I’ve sold off a ton of stuff over the years, but just recently I found a box of some Star Wars figures and while I was setting up my new computer desk decided to put some of my favorites on display on there.

I started to examine the figures and obviously my desk will have a Boba Fett, Vader, Stormtroopers, Han….and of course Slave Leia, but something really bugged me about the new movie figures.

Before anyone starts the debate… I like the new movies!  I like all six Star Wars movies!   Yes Jar Jar is stupid and Anakin is a whiny kid, but fuck man, it’s the Wars!   Qui-Gon is a badass maverick Jedi, Jango Fett is so badass he was cloned a million times, and Padme in the white outfit made me blow my midichlorians all over my blu-ray.

With that said… dude.  Han.  Jabba.  Greedo.  Lando.  Dr. Evazan?!

Of course the original trilogy is better.  This isn’t about that.

This is about the action figures.  The same action figures that I always assumed got better as things became newer.  Those old vintage 1980 Empire figures are pretty rough.  Cool for the time, but doesn’t really hold up.  Remember in the 90’s when the Power of the Force figs came out?  Those were great.  I had more than I could count.  And it even forced me to read books.   Well comic books.  So what, I know what the fuck a Prince Xizor is.  Do you?

I read books because of cool action figures.

So I’ve got these really nice new and improved version of the vintage figures.  Vader for example is an imposing figure (pun) with a cool plastic/rubber cape.  They all stand up on their own (pun) too!   Sure some of them don’t have the perfect likeness.  The Han Solo figure for example has a cartoony face and little too much pro-wrestler upper body build.  But so what.  Good outweighs the bad.

Cut to 5-7 years later and the prequels come out…along with the prequel action figures.  Alright I geeked out,  Darth Maul is a fucking killing machine.   So I bought a Darth Maul that spins his double bladed saber when you push a button…. which, fun fact, looks like he’s doing the “jerk off” symbol when you take the saber out of his hand.  I also bought a “normal” Darth Maul actual figure.  You know what I mean when I say normal.  Meaning, IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING, HE JUST STANDS THERE.  IN A FUCKING POSE.  Which one did I like better?  Non-Jerkoff-Maul.

So as time went on and Episode 2 comes out then Episode 3 comes out, it seemed like all the figures I wanted had to DO SOMETHING.  Like push a button and Anakin’s hand falls off.  Ok, cool concept, but it’s an action figure.  It’s not going to work right.  Just make something that looks cool that does one thing well… STANDS ON A SHELF AND DOES NOTHING.

The best action figure is a no-action figure.

Quick blog post because it’s been awhile.

I’d like to first thank the Zlurp Nation for making Xtreme and I feel like this little goofy recording we do each month is actually enjoyable for others to listen to.

Secondly, my touranment goal (besides trying to win one at some point!) is to get an NAF rating  with every single NAF team.  Currently in the US, only Mike/Valdric and Frank/Solarflare have done it.   This year I’m planning on hitting the following tournaments:  Frozzty Bowl, Heroes Challenge (odd man out), Royal Rumble, Headbangers Ball (odd man out), Stupor Bowl, Four Diamonds (as part of my wife and I’s NYC/Philly road trip), Put a Ring On It 2, Bunker Brawl IV (odd man out), and Ghouls Night Out.  I am going to try and make Chromatic Cup and Special K Cup as well…. both Tom R’s crew in OH, and Beaux’s crew in MI run great events but with vacation that same month we’ll just have to wait and see.

I still need to use the following teams for NAF ratings:   Chaos Dwarf (planning to buy the Volmarian team at some point), Halfling (I’m using Ewoks.  What.)   Goblin (planning on doing a straight no weapon, no big guy, goblin team at Stupor Bowl… with the help of 3 2485 Scares!), Human, Chaos Pact (hoping my team from James ‘Slann” Bobko” comes soon…he painted a Samurai team for me with enough models to use for either race, Khemri (planning on borrowing Dean’s team), and on my painting plate for this year is a High/Pro Elf team using the female Shadowforge Elves…which may also triple as Amazons…. my 2nd edition Skaven team….and my plastic Chaos team.

Let’s see if I can manage to get all that done in addition to my other side projects this year:   Finish writing my short film script, Roadimentary….then shoot and edit!    Get my online radio station up and running, Discord Radio, and of course play more SWTOR which I’m doing right now.  Very addicting!

Main Guy wishing all the Zlurp Nation a Happy 2012…. if the world doesn’t end.   If it does, you know G-Dub would somehow make it through.  Sucks.

So besides getting ready to move, and lots of extra bullshit at work at the moment, somehow I spent the last few days rushing to get this team somewhat presentable. Still need some final touches and to complete the bases, but it’s a decent start. It’s in desperate need of some Dullcoat as well. And I need to add in Piper’s kilt! Let’s see if I can win a game tomorrow night!

I know what yer thinking…. this guy didn’t do shit!   Well, I did.  Do shit.  And I made some progress.   I gave up on my attempt to greenstuff a kilt for Piper, instead I will just get some plaid cloth and apply it afterwards.  I also turned the sumo dude into Honky Tonk Man, by greenstuffing poofy hair, and I had to give him a nose.  What, Asians don’t have noses?  Hey!  I didn’t say it!.  I also shaved down his sumo style pants to make it look like regular tights for Honky.  For Macho I greenstuffed big fat sunglasses, and a bandana since I screwed up his hair… he ended up looking like Jheri Curl Soul Glo Savage!   Lastly, I picked up a model who, without modification, already looked like Superfly Snuka.   I used Army Painter’s human flesh spray as both a base coast and primer.  Soon you will see the red and navy blue colors of the Ogrando Rage on this team!   And the little guys get some love too…. those are all the wrestlers that had the reverse effect from Mince McSlamm’s Growth Hormone!

As people who know me know, I’ve been a pro wrestling fan since I was 8 years old. I grew up in the Hogan / Macho Man era and always wanted to somehow incorporate wrestling into Blood Bowl. Problem was, finding the right models. I always enjoyed M.U.S.C.L.E. men toys from my youth as well. Due to the model size (about 2 inches), I always counted them out (pun intended) from Blood Bowl usage. I hate when people use mis-scaled models. “This dragon-ogre is my ST 3 chaos pact thrower!”

One of my favorite team to use in Blood Bowl is Ogres. Phil aka Stout Youngblood, painted me up a nice Ogre team with Imps as Snotlings a few years back. I had a ton of fun using them. I called them the Ogrando Rage, based off of XFL fame and the Orlando Rage. My one knock on the team were the GW Ogre models just being too damn big for me. So I reluctantly sold them off earlier this year and decided to start from scratch on an Ogre team of my own.

So there was the answer. These M.U.S.C.L.E. men figs are perfect size for Ogre’s. They even fit properly when prone. And I still love the Imp models as Snotlings. So I started searched ebay for the right figures to use for the wrestlers. I figured just making them non-unique just generic jobber wrestlers of sorts, but then I saw this Hulk Hogan looking model that I just had to use. So I’m spending time gathering up 6 decent models to use as 80s era wrestlers, and then one extra Blood Bowl-ish looking model to represent any starts I may hire for the team like Brick Farth or Larry Da’Zonk.

FLUFF
After the disbanding of the Xtremely Large Football League, legendary Human professional wrestling promoter, Mince McSlam, decided to take his top wrestlers and inject them with a unique growth hormone which not only increased their size and muscle mass, but also had some damaging affects to their brain. About 6 of them showed (roughly) positive results. The rest suffered an opposite effect and actually shrunk the wrestlers to Snotling size! Talk about midget wrestling!

Soon after, the newest Ogre team, the Ogrando Rage (named after the anger side-effects from the growth hormone) was born, and Mince knew his team of super-sized (and small-sized) sports entertainers were ready to take the Blood Bowl Tournament scene by storm!

About a year ago, Xtreme posted a blog talking about his favorite podcasts.  Now it’s my churn.

WTF with Marc Maron – If you are into comedy, this is a must listen to show.  He gets comedians to open up and really get to some personal issues.  He has even confronted alleged joke stealers Carlos Mencia, Robin Williams, and Dane Cook.  Just a solid, compelling show about comedians.

Adam Carolla Show – It’s not the #1 rated comedy show on Itunes for nothing.  Adam rants on anything and everything and also interviews some great guests.  He’s one of the few big names who can reap the benefits of monetizing a podcast instead of his previous fat terrestrial radio paycheck.

Art of Wrestling with Colt Cabana – If you are a true pro wrestling fan… like Ring of Honor and old ECW fans… this is a must listen to.  CM Punk seems to pop up here and there since he and Colt are best friends.   He’s also part-juggalo and broadcasts from here in Chicago!

ForceCast – If you are a Star Wars fan, this is for you.  It’s the #1 most download Star Wars podcast in the world, sponsored by TheForce.net, and its product and co-hosted by my buddy Jimmy Mac.  Do check it out, or do not check it out.  There is no try.

The Big Three Podcast – If you’ve seen the movie Windy City Heat, you’ll get this.  If you haven’t, watch it right now.  I’ll give you a link.

Mike and Tom Eat Snacks – Michael Ian Black and Tom Cavanaugh discuss Combos, Snickers, Twizzlers, Funyuns, and all the best snacks around…. and they tell stories.  Hilarious!

Last but certainly not least….check out these gaming related podcasts from friends of the Zlurpcast….

40kradio.com, CouchPirates.com, Garagehammer.net, TheEternalWarriors.com, WapCaplets.podbean.com, Waaaghcast.blogspot.com

What did I miss?

I went to Games Workshop GamesDay today.  I’m so thankful I got myself and my wife in for free with a press pass… Yep, being a Main Guy has it’s privileges.  I have not been to GamesDay in probably about 6 years.  I remembered why I stopped going… well paying for a ticket was a part of it.  But it’s a long line of people to wait to buy overpriced brittle resin… aka Forge World.

Then a bunch of megabattles that makes no sense whatsoever.  Half painted Ultramarines and Tyranids teaming up to fight Lord of the Rings models on jetbikes.  Well, maybe not that bad, but pretty close.  I’ll focus on the positives, since there were some….

Blood Bowl demo games run by a dude from Memphis, with a pretty cool custom table.  I gave him Zlurpcast biz cards and Chaos Cup flyers to hand out.  What?

The Blood Bowl Fantasy Flight Card Game was being demo’d.  I didn’t want to wait to try it but it seemed like people were enjoying it.

This Khornate Chaos Space marine was pretty awesome.  For years I’ve seen a boring stand up marine, but this was a dude inside interacting with fans.  When my turn came up, I laid on the ground and wanted him to put a foot on top of me as if he just killed me.  So I hit the ground and just stared at him then the guy running it.  A few ackward seconds go by, then I say “What, can he not move his foot?”  and the kid running it said “We can’t have him put his foot on you”

Instead of causing a scene (as if a 7ft chaos marine isn’t already a scene), I just stood up and did a normal pic.  After that I left since I was mad.

On a simliar Chaos note, there were these 4 booths each themed after a Chaos God which had carnival games.  I was going to take pictures of them after taking part in those games, but you needed tickets to play the games…. tickets you get by doing other events.  Since I didn’t do those, I didn’t get to play, and thus no pic.  Sorry.

Overall, definitely worth what I paid to get in.  Viva La Finecast.  Also, I owe them a few Waaaghs, since I kept my mouf shut.

Waaagh.

While I don’t play too many video games now… besides Rock Band and the occasional FUMBBL game, in the past, I was all about the video games.  I think once controllers started to come with more than 3 buttons, that was my downfall.  Way too complex for my feeble mind to grasp.

Let’s take alook back on some games I enjoyed in my childhood thru my teen years.  Some you will have never heard of.

Mid 80s, I was playing a ton of Commodore 64.  While my friends got their first NES systems a few years before I did, I was content to know that my pops could get me pirated software of any game I could possible imagine for the C64.    I loved hacked games.  Years before a game genie, hackers already hooked you up with unlimited lives.  Brilliant!  Check out some of my favorites…. each name is linked to a youtube vid.

• Rocketball – Modelled after the movie Rollerball..it’s a game where you get to elbow people a lot
• Ghost Chaser – Run around chasing ghosts.  Cool name.  I played it on an emulator not too long ago… it sucked
• Impossible Mission – Stay awhile.  Stay forever!!!  So many goons hidden behind so many doors!
• Space Taxi – It’s like a real taxi except customers say please.  Pad 1 please.
• California Games – It’s like the olympics, except surfing and hackysack
• Maniac Mansion – This game was awesome.   Probably my 1st RPG.  So addicting.  It’s Dr. Fred!
• Street Sports Baseball – My brother and I logged a lot of hours on this game.  Picking the team was the best part!  BOJO!

Then I moved onto the Commodore Amiga in the late 80s/Early 90s.  This time, my dad was acquiring even more games.  Games from Japan.  Games that made no sense.   It was awesome!  The Amiga I believe ran off of the same engine as the Sega Genesis but took it computer gaming to a new level for sure.  On Episode 24 of the Zlurpcast, you can hear Rick aka Greengears discuss the finer points about why the Amiga kicked ass, but here my picks along with video links…

• Grand Monster Slam – Kicking severed heads into your opponents.  Nuff said.  From Golden Goblins!
• Great Giana Sisters – A direct copy of Super Mario Brothers…. but it was girls and the graphics were better.
• Lemmings – Everyone knows Lemmings from the PC world.  Except it was actually fun on Amiga.  Yeah, I said it.
• Secret of Monkey Island – Fun game, along the same lines as Maniac Mansion…except more wise cracks
• Speedball II – If you dig Blood Bowl, you should already know about this awesome futuristic sports game.  Brutal Deluxe!
• Another World – The intro blew me away.  Just a bad ass game.  I don’t think I ever played the sequel to it.  I should have.
• Silkworm – Just like the arcade… I played helicopter, my brother was the tank.  We killed everything that moved.
• Blood Money – I don’t really like shooters, and watching the vid now, it looks shitty, but for some reason I played this a lot.  Cool name tho.

I will admit that I did play console games as well… but since everyone does blogs about old school console games all the time, I’ll just leave you with a few notes/memories from each of the console systems I’ve owned.  And no, I don’t have an Xbox 360 and I did not have a Dreamcast.  Talk down your gamer boner now.

Atari 2600 – Adventure.  Secret code at the end.  Anyone know what it says?  Also for some reason I remember Keystone Capers being really fun.

Intellivision – B-17 Bomber.  I had the voice modulator where it actually says B-17 Bomber.  Horrible.

Colecovision – Smurfs was killer.  Don’t judge.  Also Rocky vs Clubber Lang was a great game, except when my brother would look at my controller to see what punches I was doing.

Nintendo – Super Mario 3 was the pinnacle of console gaming.  Not many things have come close to it’s level of awesomeness.  Pro Wrestling was shitty but fun.

TurboGrafx-16 – TV Sports Football was great and so was Battle Royale.  Bonk was one of the best side scrollers.  Also 5 people can play at once on the Turbo Tap!

Sega Genesis – Sonic was cool… Golden Axe was cool…. Pit Fighter was cool (Southside Jim!)… Altered Beast was cool.  I remember playing my favs from the arcade on Genesis.  A lot.

Super Nintendo – My dad got me a Super Magicom, which originally came from Japan.  It allowed you to copy SNES cartridges and put them on floppy disks.  This meant, much like computer games, I had a shit ton of SNES games now.  I remember getting Mortal Kombat and some dude colored the sweat back into blood, like the arcade had.

Sega Saturn – Street Fighter Alpha 2.  I always enjoyed fighting games, but Saturn took everything to the next level.  Plus the controller was perfect for SF.  3 buttons on top, 3 on bottom.

Playstation 1 – I played a lot of Metal Gear Solid.  I believe Psycho Mantis even read my mind and saw (on my memory card) what other games I like!  PaRappa was also bad ass.

Nintendo 64 – Super Mario Kart and lots of it.  And of course, No Mercy.  Hands down the best wrestling game of all time.  Perfect controller for it!

Xbox-  Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.  It was so awesome.  You can watch yourself change into a Dark Side looking mofo after doing some heinous shit.

Playstation 2 – Guitar Hero

Playstation 3 – Rock Band

Do you have old computer and video game memories?  Share them below…. or else I chop off your head and kick it for bonus points.